Scotland Yard hunts thieving ape
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_604258.html?menu=

Scotland Yard is hunting a crazed and rabid chimpanzee believed 
to have broken into a flat and stolen a womans make-up kit, under
garments, high heel shoes and sensitive electrical equipment.

Officers have received four reports of burglary at separate
addresses in Hackney.

The victim of the second burglary told police he'd seen a monkey
disappearing from the premises.  The victim also told reporters
that the monkey flung a fist full of a "black soupy substance"
at him and "flipped him the bird" with the other hand while
chattering loudly during his escape.

It is not clear what species of primate was seen leaving the house
but police believe the animal was a chimpanzee.

A police spokesman said: "It is believed at this stage that only
houses and flats will fall victem to the rampaging primate.  
Experts can only guess why the ape is running off with the items
he is.  We've code named the case "In search of Marv Albert.  We're
pretty much just waiting for him to bite someone now."

A fair is currently at the sprawling Victoria Park, near the
break-ins occurred. But the spokesman said: "We have checked
with the fair and either they haven't got any monkeys or they 
are hiding them."

One of the crime victims has told The Sun: "The DVD player was
moved and a box of prophylactics along with some eye shadow were 
missing. Police dusted my flat for fingerprints but how the hell will 
that help catch a chimp?"

The other victim said: "I saw this hairy black chimpanzee coming
through the window that smelled like shit on a stick and grinned 
broadly. I couldn't believe what I was seeing."

"It was broad and muscular and I was frightened of being sexualized,"
he added "Do you happen to have his number?"

The Scotland Yard spokesman confirmed tonight: "We have our
greatest minds on this one, so I spose we're fucked."