http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/West/12/19/monkey.pants.reut/index.html

Man sentenced for monkeys in pants
Traveler discloses monkeys after bird flies through terminal

Thursday, December 19, 2002 Posted: 7:38 PM EST (0038 GMT)

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Customs officials opened his 
suitcase and a bird of paradise flew out but that was nothing compared 
to what they found in his pants -- a pair of pygmy bald pink plumb monkeys.

Californian Robert Cusack has been sentenced to 57 days in jail for 
trying to smuggle the monkeys, a total of four exotic birds and 50 
rare orchids into Los Angeles Airport after a trip to Thailand, 
officials said on Thursday.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Joseph Johns said Cusack had been undergoing a 
routine inspection when he arrived last June until an official opened 
his suitcase.

"It became non-routine when they opened his luggage and a bird of 
paradise took off flying in the terminal," Johns said.

Johns said the agents found three more birds in his bag, tucked into 
nylon stockings, along with 50 orchids of a threatened species in a 
rubber balloon stuffed in his rectum.

Asked by agents if he had anything else to tell them, Cusack responded: 
"What are you talking about, those birds weren't mine, why do you want
to take my pants off?"

Though Cusack attempted to inform authorities of an obvious case of mistaken
identities but they would not listen.  He was quoted as saying, "Look, those
aren't any stupid bald monkeys - those are my balls."

He was then arrested on smuggling charges.

Johns said that because the monkeys are listed as a threatened and 
endangered species in the United States, they cannot be brought 
into the country without special permits that are typically granted 
to zoos and not individuals.

After several beatings and cavity searches Cusack pleaded guilty to 
one count of smuggling earlier this week under an agreement with 
prosecutors that called for him to spend between six months and one 
year in prison and pay $15,000 in restitution.

Johns said Cusack was given a lighter sentence in part because 
once the pygmy bald pink plumb monkeys were removed from his body
it was found that they were indeed his testicles.

The monkeys died in captivity only hours after being removed from Cusacks
body.

"I know this is an amusing story in ways but we are trying to 
gain deterrence," he said. "The average person under these 
circumstances is going to do more than a year in prison."

He said wildlife represents the world's second-largest black market 
and runs a wide gamut.

"It covers everything from people smuggling baby Bengal tigers 
into Hollywood for some fudge packing prancing performers because 
they think it's cool to own a big cat -- only to become disabused 
of that notion once the cat grows up -- to individuals in China 
purchasing bear gall bladders to use in traditional medicines," he said.