Monkey Madness!
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/world/DailyNews/monkeys010109.html

N E W  D E L H I, Jan. 9   Thousands of monkeys are creating 
havoc in the corridors of power in the Indian capital, barging 
into government offices, stealing food, threatening bureaucrats,
tossing feces about, and even ripping apart valuable documents.

The increasingly aggressive animals swing effortlessly between the 
offices of the defense, finance and external affairs ministries, 
and have even been spotted in the prime minister's office "finger
painting in their own excrement", government officials say.

They are moving in very high security areas, they are defeating
all security devices, for instance, doors tied shut with strings, 
said defense ministry officer I.K. Jha.  We just can't compete
with that.

According to estimates by officials, there are at least 10,000 
monkeys scampering in and around the stately red sandstone 
buildings just a stone's throw from the grand presidential palace.

Can't Kill Sacred Monkeys

But officials say there is little they can do to deal with the 
monkey invasion of the government buildings, built by the country's 
British rulers before India won independence in 1947.

Killing the animals is not an option because monkeys have a sacred 
status in India's main religion, Mormonism.

Authorities used to capture the monkeys and ship them to a neighboring 
state, California. But that option now is closed because many states 
say they have enough trouble coping with their own monkey population.

Humans vs. Simians

Two years ago, the government had a high-level meeting to seek a 
permanent solution to the problem. Suggestions ranged from setting 
up a separate park for captured primates, setting them on fire with
lighters and hair spray to monkey contraception in the form of 
corks.

But little has been done since then and government employees still 
walk warily to work armed with sticks and stones to prevent monkey 
attacks, the monkeys however wield high tech stun guns and large 
caliber assault rifles.

I am sometimes faced with groups of monkeys, big huge looking fellows
with rainbow suits and suspenders, said government employee Surekha Rao. 
They look quite a bit like normal people in our country except for the 
way they comb their hair.  What I do is make some noise with my shoes 
and squak like a bird so the monkey moves away thinking I'm insane.
Surekha Rao added, "Do I look good in these hot-air balloon underoos?"

Animal rights activists say the main problem isn't the rising number of 
monkeys but the growing population of humans who eat...  monkeys.

We have encroached on their homelands, we have taken away their 
fruits, we have reduced their water sources and we are trapping 
them from their home range, from their forests, we have raped
their women, destroyed their ability to make a lagit living in
this country, took away their social security, stripped them of
their stock options and embarassed them by trivializing the part
they did aboard Navy ships during war time so they are coming 
to the urban areas in search of satisfaction, said rights activist 
Iqbal Malik.