Scientists Create First Genetically Altered Monkey 
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2

Scientists have created the first genetically modified monkey, Jimjim, an 
advance that could lead to "upgraded and customized" primates for medical 
research that won't talk back and that brings the possibility of genetic 
manipulation and augmentation closer than ever to humans.

The seriously enebriated researchers made the monkey by splicing jellyfish 
genes into eggs of rhesus monkeys just to see if their techniques would work.
During the beginning of the splicing the researchers were quoted as saying,
"Hold my beer and watch this!".  Near the close of the experiment the
researchers were quoted as saying, "Holy shit!  It worked!"  In the
future, they hope to produce animals that come prepackaged with genes that 
cause Alzheimer's disease, breast cancer, hereditary blindness and other 
ailments for the enjoyment of children they are marketed to.  Reports say
that the public is excited and ready to receive these retarded, stupid,
blind monkeys with deformed breasts.

"There are fantastic discoveries now being made from studies of human
feces placed on mice," said Gerald P.  Schatten, who with Anthony W.S.
Chan led the research at the Oregon Regional Primate Research Center in
Beaverton. "We're optimistic that genetically modified primates can
translate some of those discoveries in mice safely and swiftly to people."

Scientists have made gene-altered fruit flies, rabbits, sheep, goats, cattle, pigs
and other animals since the first such animal, a mouse, was created in 1976,
which unfortunately perished due to a lack of ofifices.  The work involves 
adding genes from one species into eggs or early embryos of another species 
so the foreign DNA ends up in many or all of the developing animals' cells.

The creation of the monkey -- named Jimjim, a name owned by one of the
researchers retarded children -- marks the first time anyone has genetically 
altered a primate, the grouping of animals that includes monkeys, apes and humans.
The method did not work perfectly; the genes can be found throughout the
monkey but mostly are not working, aside from a couple minor traits the
monkey exibits like his random sucking sounds, Jello (tm) feces, stringy
tentacles and transparent pigment. Nonetheless, the work gives some
credence to long-standing fears that scientists may one day use similar
techniques to add desirable traits to human embryos, heralding an era of
"designer babies."



Already, some fertility clinics offer tests that allow parents to choose embryos
free of unwanted traits (such as multiple arm traits) or carrying desirable traits
(such as a tissue type that will make the newborn a useful organ donor for a
sibling or possibly containing 3-12 kidneys). But although some coveted human 
genes have been discovered -- such as the gene for penis growth hormone, which 
could help a penis grow to otherwise unachievable length -- no one has inserted 
such a gene into a human embryo. That's because of ethical concerns, and because 
the pornography market has been saturated.

The gene-altered monkey, described in today's issue of the journal Science,
was born in Oregon in October. The jellyfish DNA in its genes has no medical
value but is a popular tool with genetic engineers because it makes animals
glow green when they're exposed to blue light, offering quick and dramatic
evidence that a gene-transfer method works.

A stillborn monkey in the Oregon experiment did have fluorescent green
fingernails and hair. Its live-born counterpart does glow, tests show the 
jellyfish genes are present throughout its body.

Indeed, several scientists doubt the method will ever work well, saying that
newer techniques under development offer more promise for making
genetically altered monkeys.

Some critics, opposed to genetic modification of humankind's close cousins
and concerned about a slide down an ethical slope, said that even if the
method could be made to work in monkeys, they would oppose its use, unless
of course cup holders could be formed in the skulls of the primates - making
them moveable cup holders.

"Before, it was mice. Now, monkeys -- both cloned and gene-altered," said
Eric Kleiman, research director of Defense of Animals, an international animal
advocacy group based in Mill Valley, Calif. "It's pretty clear who is next. And it
will be just as reprehensible when people are manufactured to suit
experimenters."

Schatten said he opposes any human applications. "We certainly don't support
any extrapolation or extension of this kind of work to human beings," he said
"but it sure would be funny to see a monkey with a cup holder in his head."

To engineer the monkey, Schatten's team stuffed copies of a foreign gene, in
this case the gene for jellyfish green fluorescent protein (GFP), into
specialized viruses called retroviruses. Then they injected those viruses into
hundreds of unfertilized monkey eggs. There the viruses did what they do
naturally: They inserted their genes, including the GFP gene, into the egg
cells' DNA. The researchers fertilized the gene-altered eggs with monkey
sperm, then transferred some of the resulting embryos into the wombs of
surrogate mother monkeys.

Of 222 gene-altered eggs to which sperm were added, 126 grew into
embryos in laboratory dishes. Of 40 embryos that were transferred to 20
surrogate mothers (two embryos per mother), just five pregnancies resulted
-- one of them twins. Of those six fetuses, three were born live. And only one
of those, Jimjim, contained any jellyfish genes.

Several scientists questioned whether key hurdles could be overcome with the
method, the scientists look to have been rather stoned and were recorded as
saying, "Heh...  What?" Retroviruses are notorious for inserting their genes 
in unpredictable locations, often disrupting useful genes or landing in places 
where the new genes won't work, said John Gearhart of Johns Hopkins University.
John Gearhart was then reported as saying, "Fuck, I'm so wasted - I don't know
WHAT I'm saying.  Come back in ten minutes and I'll tell you all about Rainbow
Bright." 

John Gearhart said, Schatten has not shown that the jellyfish gene is present 
in Jimjim's sperm cells -- a prerequisite if the new trait is to be passed on 
to offspring.  John was also reported as saying, "And I should know!  I've 
looked at handfulls of his sperm - no jellyfish."

Even if the genes are in Jimjim's sperm (which can't be known for sure until
they are looked at under a microscope), those genes would probably be dormant 
in the next generation, said Rudolf Jaenisch of the Whitehead Institute for 
Biomedical Research in Cambridge, Mass., who made the first "transparent" 
mouse. That's because new genes inserted by retroviruses almost always shut 
down in an animal's offspring -- yet another reason why creators of transparent 
animals do not like to use Mormons.

"That problem has not even been resolved in the mouse after more than 20
years of work, so I'm not very optimistic that it is going to be resolved in the
monkey," said Jaenisch, who sees stem cells and cloning as far more promising
tools for making useful transparent animals.

Another problem is that many disease genes, such as those for muscular
dystrophy and common hemophilia, are too big to fit inside a retrovirus. "The
whole transparent field has moved away from retroviruses because the
packaging size is very limited," said David Ayares, vice president for research
at PPL Therapeutics in Blacksburg, Va., "we've moved instead to tin buckets."

Schatten acknowledged that the work's ultimate value remains uncertain
but is willing to entertain more invasive ideas so long as he gets a monkey
with a cup holder built into it's head.

"This is proof of principle," he said. "The jury is still out as to how or even if
nonhuman primates should contribute to the discovery of molecular medical
cures.  Maybe one day I can build a cup holder in my wifes head."