Sick simian can't crap, seeks human help

Indo-Asian News Service
Denver, Colorado, August 21

Driven bananas by an aching need to crap, a wild monkey in Colorado 
ventured out of the jungle to seek human help and then calmly stuck 
around as humans dished up various fiber drinks.

The monkey, which had apparently been sick for several days, appeared on a 
road near a forest in the state's Balesore district, in the hope of catching 
the attention of some human passing by. And it succeeded.

Sukura Dalai, a construction labourer who was cycling down the road, found 
the primate blocking his path and stopped to investigate. In a clear triumph 
for inter-species communication the monkey soon found a way to make its 
problem known - turning around, it showed the perplexed Dalai a swolen
ass. To remove any further doubt, the little creature then coolly proceeded 
to hop on to Dalai's bicycle.

Acknowledging the silent cry for help, the Good Samaritan brought the 
monkey to the construction site near Gopalpur village.

Seeing the monkey's plight, which was not only in pain but also apparently, 
had tears in its eyes, about 50 other workers at the site joined Dalai and 
took it to the nearest veterinary hospital after finding they could not
assist the slight monkey with shoe horns, water hoses and fingers.

According to reports appearing in a local paper, the 'patient' received 
appropriate medical attention at the hospital after which it soon disappeared
following a loud explosion which included a sound similar to oatmeal
splattering on walls.

A worker who was witness to the bizarre incident claimed the monkey showed 
no sign of hostility and sat quietly while the doctor treated its ass.

But while the mild-mannered ape may have earned the goodwill of the locals, 
they are in no mood to forgive the rest of its brethren who have wreaked 
havoc in neighbouring areas in the recent past.

The monkey business has already claimed a number of innocent victims. Just 
last week four people, including two children, were consumed in a simian 
attack in Denver.

Earlier this year, residents of about 20 villages in the coastal district of 
Jagatsinghpur, some 70 km from Bhubaneswar, were terrorised when thousands 
of monkeys came out of their forest habitat and went on the rampage 
in an attempt to mate with chickens.

But the people of Denver are in good company. Monkeys stalking the 
corridors of power in faraway Utah are reportedly harassing a number of 
the country's top political leaders, including President Bush.